The sun had set and rose before Adam could speak of once more the love of starvation, yet I speak here now. It is unlike anything one could have felt before, this entire depravation from the prerequisites of being Man. They say that we are animal, and what I must think is that what distinguishes Man from animal alone is his ability for theosis; to become a god—a god enslaved to God, dear Lord, that acts as his missionary and merchant, though we must not oppose. And we shall not, for theosis—to be achieved in glorious ways, just like Our Mother, hers unrepeatable—is the purpose of life. Our studies, family, love, children, these things are no priority in the face of becoming a god.

    Many see this as problematic, for they see it in the Western approach of egotism.                Yet this is where theosis goes to die: within egotism. We must overcome, and what better way to become what God intended for Man than to deprave oneself of what Man indulges in, perhaps too much?

    Can I become bare-bones, so to speak, become purer than a newborn babe who, whilst born a sinner from my reckless deeds, has no experience of sin, has no idea of sin—can I become such a thing again, in my age?

    I must indeed believe that I can, for if I cannot rebirth myself as a god under my Lord, then what doom do I face?

    What sort of twisted, perilous fate will await a man like me, Adam, at the end of my days, when the Son lays His glorious eyes upon my crippled mind and body that is so unworthy of His gaze? I know that He would say otherwise, that His part-Man part-God composition is indebted to servitude for Man and, too, to rule all Man, all Man is worthy of His judgement and love. But I must refuse. I must refuse, for even though He is infinitely wiser than I, my feelings of disgust for my race are not slaughtered by His existence. I must insist to become god before I face God. Otherwise, I know my shame will overcome me.